- Self Position. When I think of an interaction with another person, I experience it from my own point of view, looking out of my eyes, and seeing the other person. This is the position that most of us assume that we are in all the time.
When I use this position, I am in touch with my own needs, and can pursue my own interests and goals.
If I only use self position, I am like a small child, egocentric and selfish, and others needs and desires mean nothing to me.
- Observer Position. I can observe the same interaction between myself and someone else from the outside, as if I were an observer watching two strangers on a TV set. From this position, I can dispassionately observe the interaction between us—the sequence of words, gestures, and expressions that occur in the communication. When I use this position, I am able to see my own behavior more clearly, as if I were watching someone else, and also see how each of us is responding to the other—free of evaluation and judgement.
If I only use observer position, I become detached and distant, and life becomes meaningless, like a character in an existentialist novel.
- Other Position. I experience the interaction between us from the perspective of the other person. I become them and experience what it is like to be this person in this situation, looking out at me. When I do this well, I take on the other persons beliefs, attitudes, values, knowledge, and personal history to the best of my knowledge and ability.
When I use this position, I am able to gain a deep, rich, and detailed experiential understanding of what someone else is experiencing.
If I only use other position, I live for someone else rather than for myself, a life of self-sacrifice in which others needs and desires always take precedence over my own.
