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Steve: First, I presume you already have in your mind something that causes you to feel shame.
Woman: Yes, its ah—
Steve: And dont tell them any content. They will get nosy and their brains will get derailed, and they wont notice were doing anything. OK, you got one? (Woman: Uhhuh.) Is this a specific time or is it a period of time?
Woman: Period of time.
Steve: OK. How about just taking a—because we will apply it to the whole period of time, I guarantee you, before we are done. But for right now, how about thinking about a specific incident. It will make it easier for us to explore what the situation is, OK? (Woman: Uhhuh.) Good. Now, put that one on a shelf for a minute, and think of some other situation in which you violated someone elses standards, or you didnt meet someone elses standards, but for whatever reasons, you didnt feel shame. (Woman: OK.) You got one? (Woman: Umhm.)
Steve: How come you didnt feel shame there?
Woman: Um, because I was... I was doing what I wanted to do.
Steve: OK. Well, how come you did feel shame in the other one?
Woman: Because it seemed like it had more to do with my personage, with myself.
Steve: OK. This is an important distinction, the distinction between whether a certain situation reflects on your self, your self-concept, your being, or whether it reflects only on your behavior. And this is something that Leslie Cameron-Bandler was doing—it seems like a million years ago!—making the distinction between self and behavior. And its a very nice first step in general, when you are doing a lot of work, to make the distinction that if someone insults you, or they say you did wrong or something like that, that they are only commenting on your behavior. It makes it a lot easier to deal with. However, when you are young and you are in a family of perhaps less than total resources, it is hard to know that—but we can go back and fix it. (Woman: Good.) Now, if you compare those two experiences, the one of shame, and the one of... well just say not shame, where again you knew you were not meeting someones standards in some way, but you didnt experience shame. What are the differences—submodality differences in particular?
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