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Follow-up Interview with Peter�s Wife

A week after the follow-up with Peter, I talked with Peter�s wife, Joan. At this time, Peter still had not told her anything about the work that I had done with him.

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Well, Joan, it�s about three weeks now since I did some work with your husband, Peter. One week ago I had a little follow-up interview with him, and I asked him if you had noticed any difference in his behavior, and he told me that he hadn�t asked you. So I guess he didn�t even tell you that I had done some work with him. Is that right?

Joan: No, he didn�t tell me the process. I kind of asked him what—that, you know, I had noticed changes in him.

Can you say what those changes are?

Joan: Oh, well, it was amazing. What I�m doing now is going back to the first time he came through the door after three weeks ago. And I noticed right away that even physically there was a change. There was more bounce in his step. There was a lightness about him. His eyes were brighter. His face was not as tight; it was a lot more relaxed. His voice was softer. The changes that I�ve noticed behaviorally in how we interact—

Yes, that�s particularly what I�d be interested to hear.

Joan: He�s a lot more fun. He plays a lot more. He�s gentler on himself—not as goal-oriented.

Can you think of any specific things that were different before and after, or something that happened during the last couple of weeks that he wouldn�t have done before, or anything like that?

Joan: He listens.

He listens?

Joan: Listens. Instead of being as judgmental as before, like saying right/wrong stuff, it was like coming from a more loving and understanding place... where there was no right, no wrong. It was just listening to me.

You like the changes.

Joan: Oh, I love the changes! They�re wonderful. We interact a lot more in a fun way. He�s lighter, he�s happier—

Nicer to be around.

Joan: Oh, bubbly, like—yeah, a lot nicer to be around, I love that.

Great. Is there anything else? Then I�ll tell you what we did.

Joan: It�s like he—I keep wanting to say—it�s like he loves himself more, and everybody else more, is more able to play.

It�s made a big difference.

Joan: Oh, an incredible difference. Yeah, I really, you know, yeah!

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In a discussion that followed this videotaped interview, Joan mentioned two other changes in Peter. One was that he had played for a long time with a child who was visiting, and that he had never done that before. She also said that Peter no longer worried if she wanted to do something on her own. If she were going to be away for the afternoon, he didn�t need to know where she was, and he didn�t need to call to find out when she was coming home.