Steve Andreas > Articles > Gaining Additional Perspectives in Relationships

Introduction

Over 200 years ago, Robert Burns wrote the following (in modern English):

Oh, would some power the gift to give us,
To see ourselves as others see us!
It would from many a blunder free us,
And foolish notion.

The ability to experience ourselves as someone else does is an essential part of any good relationship. Without some understanding of how others experience events differently than we do, the responses of others would be forever a puzzle to us, as it is to an autistic person. The basic idea of the importance of learning how to “walk in someone else’s shoes” is a very old one, and has been widely recognized in the field of psychology, as well as by many spiritual traditions.

However, few people are very good at this ability, because it is a skill that is seldom taught in explicit detail. Fortunately, it is possible to help clients learn this key relationship ability through a simple exercise which can then become a homework assignment. Though simple to understand, and easy to do, it often has profound and far-reaching effects. Clients are often surprised that they become naturally able to understand others’ point of view better, their relationships improve, and they feel more resourceful in dealing with family, friends, and co-workers.

The homework assignment involves teaching the client three fundamental perceptual positions. Each offers a unique kind of wisdom, and together they provide a surprisingly complete range of information for finding our own solutions to the inevitable conflicts and challenges that occur as we relate with others.