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Some people will grieve as deeply for something that they never had as for something that they actually did have and then lost. A woman who has dreamed of having children who finds that she can't, or a man who has dreamed of corporate success who finds himself in a dead-end job, may grieve as severely as someone who loses a child or a top job that they actually had. Even though the person never had the content of the dream in reality, it was so real in their mind that the realization that it will not occur can provoke severe grief. Even someone who actually achieves their dream of success often finds that it is not at all what they expected it to be, and may still experience this kind of loss. Often this loss of a dream is described as a “mid-life crisis.”
A dream is usually thought of as being in the future, but it can also occur in the past. Someone who has had an abusive childhood may vividly imagine the loving and secure family life that they never had. The grief resolution process also works very well to resolve this kind of loss.
Pregrieving can prepare you for a future loss. You imagine that you have lost a present relationship, and go through the same process. This is particularly useful for the friends and relatives of people with a terminal illness. Often the friends of a dying person are so upset over the impending loss that they can't make good use of the little time that they have left with the dying person. And sometimes the dying person finds himself emotionally taking care of the healthy people around him!
Pregrieving is also very useful for relationships that are overly dependent. It can release an ongoing relationship from the clinging behavior that is often based on the fear of future loss. The pregrieving process is also particularly appropriate for “ambiguous loss” in which someone has disappeared and is presumed dead, but could still be alive.
The grief resolution process is useful in a very wide range of situations, far beyond what it was originally created for. Many people are troubled by unresolved losses, and may have no idea that these losses are involved in the problems that concern them. The results of using the grief resolution process can be profound and surprising, affecting a great deal of someone's life. It can be useful to simply ask a client about unresolved grief and deal with it, even when the presenting problem is quite different, and apparently unrelated to a loss.
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