Steve Andreas > Articles > Escaping the �Black Hole� of Judgement

Others� Responses to Judging and Preferring

Now I would like you to try a little mind experiment. Close your eyes and recall a situation in which you disagreed with someone, and you judged them—either overtly or only in your mind...

Now review your experience of this person, and then try two short scenarios, using what you have learned about judgement and preference. In the first scenario, you imagine expressing your judgements to this person, as honestly and forcefully as you can, and then notice the other person�s response...

Next, imagine expressing the same concerns and views, but in terms of your personal preferences, what is important to you, and again notice how the other person responds...

Which scenario resulted in a more positive and useful response from that other person? Expressing your preferences doesn�t guarantee that you will get a useful response from someone else, particularly if there is still some leftover judgement in your words, voice tone, or posture, etc., or if that other person expects you to judge them, or is prone to judging you. But judgement will make a positive response very, very unlikely, and that it will usually lead to conflict and/or violence.