Steve Andreas > Articles > Escaping the “Black Hole” of Judgement

Summary

In an equal relationship, I express what I want, and you express what you want. Treating each other as equals, we communicate to find out how we can share the information that we have, and work together to reach our goals, a hallmark of the approach of Virginia Satir [5] one of the greatest therapists who ever lived. With full respect for both your preferences and mine, we can discuss our differences without judgement or condemnation. As one woman’s mother often said when she and her daughter disagreed, “You’re always right; I’m never wrong,” a nice deconstruction of the either/or, right/wrong of judgement. As equals, each of us has the power to elicit responses in each other by expressing our experience, information, compassion, understandings, etc, rather than the power over others of judgement and coercion. Look around at all the conflicts in the world, from your personal ones to the wars that threaten to destroy our planet, and you will see the desperate need for transforming judgement into preference and communication—and the field of NLP could also use a strong dose of it. I definitely prefer it.