| |
| |
| |
| |
Virginia Satir is almost universally acknowledged as one of the most powerful and effective therapists of this century. Throughout a career spanning some forty-five years, she developed systematic ways of helping people grow and change. Her remarkable warmth and precision in working with people was developed by her fine ability to observe what worked—and what didn't—to move people closer to their desired outcomes.
When learning from experts, it is usually much more important to observe what they actually do than it is to listen to what they say about what they do. Our descriptions of our own behavior are often biased and myopic, and we all know how to do much more than we can explain to someone else. This was particularly true of Virginia,
who was continually moving away from her psychiatric-based training of the 1940s, and intuitively pioneering new ways of helping people learn how to deal with life's inevitable problems.
Most therapists' descriptions of their therapy tend to be global and unspecific. Virginia, for instance, would talk about “gaining trust,” “making contact,” “building positive self-worth,” and the importance of the “human connection” and an “I-thou relationship?' Although she demonstrated these skills exquisitely, she was much less able to specify exactly how she accomplished them, either verbally or nonverbally. To learn how she actually achieved these things, we have to study her work itself.
Although few therapists are willing to demonstrate publicly what they do—they prefer to practice privately—Virginia was a happy exception. Not only did she conduct thousands of public demonstrations during her long career, she also freely allowed videotape recording. Probably as many videotaped hours of Virginia's work exist as of all other prominent therapists combined. Used with a verbatim transcript, a videotape makes it possible to analyze the fine details of verbal communication, the accompanying nonverbal communication—which is even richer and more complex, the ongoing interplay between the verbal and nonverbal communication, and the flow and sequence of the session as a whole. Repeated review brings an ever-deepening understanding of the process of change.
The heart of this book is a verbatim transcript of a seventy-three-minute videotaped session of Virginia working with a woman, Linda, in a weekend workshop held in 1986 at the peak of Virginia's power and skill, only two years before her death in September 1988. In this particularly moving individual session, Linda moves from great anger at and resentment of her mother to feeling compassion and love for her. A follow-up interview with Linda over three years later verifies the lasting positive impact that this session had on Linda's life and her relationship with her mother.
This session is particularly interesting for at least two reasons. Virginia was known primarily as a family therapist, and in family sessions she alternately focused her attention on different family members. In contrast, this session focused only on Linda, so it is much easier to follow the patterns and sequence of her work.
The second reason is that Linda was not an easy client. Although very expressive and willing to share her feelings, she also had what Virginia described during the session as “a highly developed ability to stand firm on things.” Since Virginia had to work very hard to change certain understandings in Linda, we are treated to a particularly rich display of her versatility and persistence.
Commentary and descriptions have been added to the verbatim transcript to clarify and characterize what Virginia was doing at each point as she patiently leads Linda step by step toward forgiveness. The first chapter describes the important themes of Virginia's work, making it easier to understand their significance as they appear throughout the session.
Many therapists have the warmth and compassion that Virginia demonstrated so abundantly, yet they are largely ineffective because they don't know what to do. Others have technical communication skills; but without the nonverbal human qualities Virginia emphasized so much, their work is much less effective than it could be. Virginia is a particularly worthy teacher because she possessed warmth, compassion, finely honed perceptions, and specific skills and techniques.
To make sure his students had a little humility in using what he taught (something many might say he lacked himself), my old teacher Fritz Perls used to say, “Just because you've got a chisel doesn't make you Michelangelo.” On the other hand, how much could Michelangelo have accomplished without any chisels at all? Imagine Michelangelo trying to carve a marble block with only his fingernails to release the vision imprisoned within the stone. Great work needs both the tools of the trade and the vision and humanity to direct those tools. Virginia Satir demonstrated an extraordinary measure of both. If we want to honor her genius, I know of no better way than to study her work carefully and learn how to do what she did so beautifully.
| |
| |
| |
| |
