2. Presence (fullness)
“Now think of an experience of one of the following”:
- A loss experienced as presence. “Think of a positive experience of an actual loss that does not feel like a loss. Even though s/he is actually dead or gone, you experience the lost person as being 'still with you' in a positive and resourceful way. You can still feel all the good feelings that you had with that special person. You have a vital sense of presence or fullness when you think of this person, as if s/he were not lost to you.”
- Someone you care for who is not actually present. “Think of someone who you typically have available to you in your life but who is not physically present at this moment as you think about him/her now.” For example, you have a loving friend, a spouse, or a child who is actually distant at the moment. Yet when you think about this person, you experience him/her with you as a present resource. Most people can easily think of an example of this. Even if someone is very socially isolated, there will be some brief experiences of a warm relationship. (And if you can't find one, you can help them create one.)
Warning: If you use this option, be very cautious about presuppositions that may be linked to this experience that may not be appropriate, such as that the person could always be contacted again in the real world. You can say, “We are using this experience only to find out how you already know how to represent someone as present with you so that you can learn how to regain the feelings that you had in that loss experience. You and I both know that you won't be able to contact that lost person in real life in the future, the way you can with the person who is still in your life.”
Calibration. Notice all the nonverbal responses that distinguish this state from the previous experience of loss. Later you will use these responses to verify that the loss has been successfully transformed into presence.
