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Let's take a look at what Hall and Bodenhamer say about a client who Bodenhamer took through this process. The client originally “had struggled with the limiting and toxic belief, ‘I always alienate and drive away friends’” (7, p.161). After using the Meta-Yes/No process with him, the authors wrote:
“Recalling the experience of last weekend, he said, ‘These guys really love me. They really love me. They don't believe I'm a jerk and arrogant. They really love me... Instead of hearing myself saying ‘I am a jerk,’ I hear myself saying these guys really love me’” (7, p.163).
That statement clearly indicates a very large chunk, digital, shift from “Everyone hates me” to “Everyone loves me.” That may be a more pleasant belief—at least for a while—but it is just as universal and all-or-none, and equally limiting. In the old belief, he was deaf to authentic expressions of caring. Now he will be equally deaf to any expression of dislike! In the real world, some of his friends may be truly caring, others may be more casual, and a few may not like him, at least at times.
A much more useful belief would be something like, “I can make friends,” or “I am a likable person,” and to be sure that the belief is represented in primary experience, and includes a number of feedback mechanisms for noticing whether or not others' responses are congruent with that belief. Including counterexamples to the belief within the structure of the belief is one powerful way to insure feedback, and I have discussed this and other structural feedback mechanisms quite thoroughly elsewhere (2).
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