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In this article I have criticized the work of others, and described in detail what I believe is a much better way to work. I would like to go beyond that to offer a detailed and concrete example of the meltthrough way of working with limitations that I advocate. There is a complete transcript online (1) of a videotaped session with a young woman (with no prior knowledge of NLP) who found herself with a “lot of anger” “exploding” at “stupid things,” who wanted to be more calm and resourceful. I spent about 50 minutes with her, respecting her needs, outcomes, concerns and objections, helping her reach forgiveness with an ex-boyfriend, testing her response repeatedly with a detailed future-pace, gradually working toward her outcome. If you take the time to read the transcript (or watch the the video, which provides additional nonverbal information) you will also see that I make several mistakes along the way—and correct them, as we work together toward a congruent and satisfactory outcome.
If you take the time to read the transcript, I would like you to then imagine that I had simply asked her to say “No” to the old response of getting angry, and “Yes” to a new response of being calm, and to consider how inadequate that would have been in terms of her complex needs.
Meltthrough work is not only much more respectful and ecological for the person changing, it is also much easier for the change agent. When you respect all parts of the person, they all become resourceful allies, supporting and driving the change process from within, as you and the client problem-solve together to find solutions that are congruent and that will last. Then there is no need for the dramatic heroic challenge or breakthrough, which is always disrespectful, unecological, and ineffective, often harmful, and sometimes even dangerous.
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