Steve Andreas > Books Authored > Heart of the Mind > Chapter 11

Use with Abusive Childhood

We have even used this process with people who were abused as children, grieving the loss of a happy childhood that they never experienced. When a parent dies, they lose whatever positive relationship they had with the parent, and they also lose the hope of every having the loving, caring relationship that they wanted.

A number of professionals we have trained in this process are now using it routinely with those who have been physically or sexually abused. It enables these people to recover the loving parent relationships they missed out on while growing up. This provides an experiential foundation for a sense of self-worth and well-being.

One of several organizations now using our grief process in this way is the largest private not-for-profit psychiatric hospital in the country, Our Lady of Peace in Louisville, Kentucky. Mary Ellen Zuverink, Ph.D., who trained members of the hospital staff in the grief process, recently told me:

“We have been using the grief pattern in our institution with all sorts of success,” she said excitedly. “We’re working on the toughest kinds of cases; if it works with these people, it can work with anybody.

“One young woman was clinically depressed and suicidal, grieving the loss of her mother. She was an adult child of an alcoholic, had been physically abused by her mother, sexually abused by her brothers, and had had a rotten life generally. After doing the grief process, everything turned around for her. She said afterwards, ‘I feel like I’ve had a heart transplant.’ This was about seven months ago, and now she’s in great shape. She just visited me, and said that was what had really done it for her. She was in good shape when she left the hospital, and she was in even better shape when she came back to see me.”

She went on to give me examples of other patients with multiple problems who were grieving over a major loss. “Once that’s taken care of, a lot of other problems simply drop away,” she said. “I’m so glad you’re doing this work. It’s really needed. I feel so fortunate to be able to pass this process on to others.”

She also told me that the results from this one process have really opened up the staffs thinking about what is possible. “We’ve seen the results—how people can change so quickly.” Because it is a major psychiatric hospital, many people’s lives are being affected.