Steve Andreas > Articles > Escaping the �Black Hole� of Judgement

Creating Safety

Since danger is a major spur to judgement, anything that we can do to make ourselves and others feel safe will make it easier to relax our judgements. It can be very helpful to realize that in modern society it is very rare that we are in actual physical danger. Most of the �dangers� we experience are only threats to our status, image, importance, or convenience, what is often called �ego.� A prime example of this is that in the US, most people�s number one fear (worse than death!) is of public speaking. Most of the �emergencies� we respond to, no matter how important, are not actually �life-and-death� situations in which judgements are useful. I couldn�t tell you how many times I have rushed to do something, or meet some kind of deadline, and afterwards looked back and thought, �Boy, that was a waste of time; not only was it not an emergency, it wasn�t even important!�

Many other events—a glancing look, a forgotten promise, even insults—are seldom life-or-death matters; they only threaten the way we think of ourselves, an unpleasant, but temporary inconvenience. Many people are afraid to ask others for something because they think of being refused as if it were an evaluation of who they are, rather than just information about the other person�s likes and dislikes. A weak self-concept can be strengthened to make it more resilient and open to feedback and criticism, and therefore immune to that kind of �danger� [3], and that will reduce the tendency to judge.