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One of the responses that Virginia elicited and used most frequently was humor. Her sessions were punctuated by laughter, even when the family was wrestling with issues that had caused them a great deal of unhappiness.
Humor is valuable for two closely related reasons: it is enjoyable and it lightens a person's feeling state. In a lighter state, people are more flexible and creative, with more personal resources available to resolve problems of living and relating. Even a very serious problem is easier to solve if you don't take it too seriously. (This is not to be confused with defensive humor that dismisses and ignores problems.)
When people have problems, they typically feel stuck in the problem, fully associated into it, with one unpleasant point of view, strong feelings, and no alternatives. When they can see the same situation in a humorous wayeven brieflyit involves seeing yourselfdissociatedin the situation rather than being in the situation.
Humor literally provides at least one alternative way to view a problem. Even if this viewpoint is not useful, it is a much better place from which to start trying out other possible viewpoints (than being stuck in the situation). Humor can make it easier to experience other points of view and learn from them. The viewpoints of others involved in the problem are also useful, since those people probably have different perceptions and responses.
Virginia was a master at taking sensitive and painful subjects and treating them with humor. By contrast, most therapistsincluding many of her studentsget too serious, too fastand get stuck. Virginia took people through serious issues, but usually after treating these issues with humor. This allowed her to go back to the humor, lightening the seriousness and helping people experiment with new perspectives. By doing this repeatedly, Virginia taught people first bow to acknowledge and express their feelings fully and then to move to a lighter state in which it is easier to find solutions to problems.
I find that the things that have the most fun are the most profound. (1984)
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