Virginia didn't just wait for people to respond positively; she actively elicited responses from family members by asking questions about feelings and perceptions that were not being expressed clearly, and by asking family members to shift positions and enact roles. Her nonverbal behavior was even more important in eliciting responses. Her legendary congruence and touching, her shifting voice tone, tempo and volume, and her facial and hand gestures were powerful nonverbal elements that created responsiveness in family members. As videotapes of Virginia demonstrate, few people could be in her presence and not be moved strongly in some way.
Whenever Virginia elicited positive responses, she immediately used them to reconnect family members with each other. This shared connection became a basis for resolving their difficulties. The excerpts m the previous section contain two examples of this, and others appear in the sections on “Action” and “Amplifying Positive Feelings and Behaviors.”