| |
| |
| |
| |
And as we demonstrated here, if you are in touch with your own criteria and you realize when you want to meet someone elses standards and compromise in some way, or dovetail outcomes in some way, and this person is your spouse or your boss or someone that you do need to have ongoing relationships with, then you simply decide what you are going to do. Life does face you with difficult decisions sometimes, but you just do what you do and, you know, You pays your money and you takes your choice, as they used to say.
The basis for changing shame is submodalities. They are very, very powerful. It changes how you code things. It changes how you access resources and, as you saw here, as soon as she moved that picture over, it made a huge difference. And notice that even though she initially said there was no size difference, when I started talking about that—and that is why I did it just in case—when she changed that, the picture opened up and she already had a changed feeling for it. It was already not as bad, even before mapping across to the new location. So, any questions?
Man: What if the person really does believe that they violated their own standards? They look at the situation and still go, Yeah, I really violated my standards.
Steve: My own standards? (Man: Yeah.) Then what do you have? If you violate your own standards, what do you have? (Man: Guilt.) Guilt, right. So thats what happens. Thats why we are going to do guilt, or self-forgiveness next. (Man: Great.) Because sometimes when you do this and then you map across, now you feel guilty. The forgiveness pattern deals with that. Its very parallel and very similar, but it is also different, and to keep things simple, lets just stay with shame now. But that is the next step.
Very often people just say, Well, you know, those standards are not ones I want to meet, they are other peoples standards. Or if I want to meet them, then I just figure out what I want to do. And sometimes, you can fluff it and just say, Well, you know, you and I have different standards; can we still remain friends? Theres a wide range of possible responses in there.
| |
| |
| |
| |
