4. Evaluate Standards
Now that the person feels resourceful, it’s important to examine the external standard, its outcome, and the possible consequences of meeting or not meeting it.
- Whose standard is this?
- What is the outcome/intention of the standard?
- Keeping the outcome in mind, “Is the external standard in this situation one that you want to have for yourself?”
- Yes. If the answer is “Yes,” go directly to step 5. (Even when someone basically agrees with the standard, usually they will want to revise it or restate it in some way to make it completely appropriate.)
- No. If the answer is “No,” ask, “If not, what standard do you want to have for yourself in this situation? ...” (Be sure this standard applies reciprocally, as in “the Golden Rule.”)
- Unsure. If the person is ambivalent or incongruent, sort polarities, get outcomes/intentions, and then integrate the two in some way, or negotiate for a joint agreement on a standard. (See 1, pp. 151-154) When you are done, they will be able to answer yes or no congruently.
