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About ten years ago I was invited to teach at a weekend drug and alcohol conference for therapists and social workers. I was one of about two dozen presenters, including several “big names” in the field. Although I was scheduled for the last session, I attended the entire conference to see what I could learn. I heard many different presenters talk about the importance of self-concept and self-esteem in getting people to stop using drugs. But in all their words there was virtually nothing about what self-concept or self-esteem actually was, or how to help someone get some of it.
Finally on Sunday afternoon I had my group, my little opportunity. I began by saying to them, “I have been hearing from many presenters, for a day and a half now, that a good self-concept and self-esteem are really important in getting people to stop using drugs. Do you all agree with that?” “Oh, yeah,” they all nodded their heads. I said “Good. I have two questions for you. The first question is, ‘What is it that you’ve been talking about that is so important?’ And my second question is, ‘How would you go about helping someone get some of it?’ ” When I asked those questions the room got very quiet. Then I said, “Let’s pretend that I’m someone who is hooked on drugs. Help me improve my self-concept, or give me some self-esteem. Help me out.”
Someone said, “Well, you could use operant conditioning.”
I said “Great! Condition me, now. Show me what you can do.” The room got very quiet again. Then someone said something about healing past traumas, and I said, “OK, let’s imagine that I was sexually abused as a child. Show me how to heal that.” The room got very quiet again.
I kept that up for about half an hour before demonstrating a few quick ways to work with self-concept, because I wanted them to realize very clearly that I was presenting something that was very different from what they already knew. I also wanted to make a very clear distinction between being able to describe self-concept, and being able to actually change it. They had been speaking theoretically, but there really wasn’t much that they could do.
As I was walking down the hall after my presentation, a man walked along beside me, looking very thoughtful. Then he said to me, “You know, I have been teaching about self-concept and self-esteem for years, and I have even written a book about it. But when you asked those questions, I had nothing to say.”
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