Steve Andreas > Books Authored > Heart of the Mind > Chapter 11

The Results for Al

A few weeks later Al called to report several interesting changes. In the week following our work together, at work he found himself talking comfortably to a friend of Sheri’s, whom he had previously avoided. He had begun dating again and was enjoying it. Finally, he reported something that was a fascinating demonstration that the changes we had made were thorough. He said that the next time he approached Sheridan Boulevard he was wondering what would happen. As he looked up at the sign the word “Rid” popped out at him instead of “Sheri”!

A few weeks later he used the grief process by himself to change his feelings about two other old girlfriends. We are always pleased when someone learns enough about a process to use it themselves without our assistance.

In the year following, Al continued dating and developed a close relationship with a woman named Julie over a six-month period. He said to me, “This last year has been amazing. I would never have imagined that one short session could have so much impact.”

Shortly after this, Al called “in a tailspin” and close to tears. Julie had told him she “just wanted to be friends”—she was involved with someone else. Since then he had been preoccupied and had trouble sleeping. Although Al knew the grief process, he hadn’t used it, thinking that would prevent any possibility of getting back together with Julie. I reassured him that not only would the process help him feel better, it would also make him much more resourceful and reasonable if she did show any interest in renewing their relationship. (See the section on “pregrieving” later in this chapter.)

A week later he called in a much better state. The night after he did the grief process with himself he had a pleasant dream for the first time in a month, instead of the anguished and confused ones he had been having. He had talked with Julie on the phone, feeling calm and resourceful, and had arranged a tentative coffee date.

None of us can prevent losses from occurring. Al now has a way to deal with lost relationships in his life in a resourceful way. Each time, he takes with him the value of the relationship he has had as he moves forward to make new connections with others. When we know how to do this, we can use all our experiences to build better and better relationships with others.