Steve Andreas > Books Authored > Heart of the Mind > Chapter 11

When There is Trauma as Well as Loss

If someone has died in a particularly unpleasant way—in an accident, or of a terminal disease—it’s often necessary to also use the phobia procedure (see chapter 7) along with the grief process. For instance, I recently worked with a man who had lost his wife to cancer about six months earlier. He and his wife had made unusually good use of their remaining time together, doing enjoyable things, reminiscing about the good times they had shared, and renewing their love for each other. However, there was also plenty of unpleasantness, as the cancer progressed and she became sicker and eventually slipped into a coma.

I asked him to review that period in his mind and carefully separate all the good times that he wanted to preserve and cherish, from the unpleasant times that he might as well leave behind. I first used the phobia method on the unpleasant times, and then used the grief procedure with the special times that he wanted to cherish and keep with him. This allowed him to distance himself from the unpleasantness, as he reclaimed the valued experiences he had with his wife.